Emotional Spending Is Real — Here's How to Avoid Shopping Based on Feelings

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Welcome to January, a time when everyone seems to be pushing you toward a "better, more improved" version of you. Whether that's through a shiny new gym membership or refreshed wardrobe, the truth is: things can expensive this month. And what makes this surge in spending even more complicated is that it's coming off of another expensive month, also known as the festive season, which is tied as tightly to our emotions as bows on a present.

You could be coming out of the holidays exhausted from the family time, resentful from the money you spent on gifts, or happier than ever for a fresh start – and all of these feelings are factors that can influence how you spend your money.

Team that with an influx of New Year's sales and deals preying on our tired, delicate (and possibly mulled wine-addled) minds, and it's easy to slip into a frantic, emotional spending frenzy. But when does so-called retail therapy stop feeling anything remotely like therapy, and actually something we might need therapy for? We've spoken to three financial and psychological experts to help you spot, understand, and break patterns of emotional spending during January and beyond.

"Emotional spending is where we make spending decisions based on how we feel, whether that's a positive or negative emotion, rather than a rational decision or need," says Ellie Austin-Williams, author of Money Talks: A Lifestyle Guide to Financial Wellbeing. It's that treat-yourself-to-improve-a-bad-day, treat-yourself-to-celebrate-a-good-day, treat-yourself-just-because-it-was-an-OK-day mindset that so many of us slip into just as easily as we do those new trainers we definitely don't need and one that none of us are fully immune from. "Anyone can experience emotional spending," she says. "However much you feel in control of your finances."

When emotional spending "becomes problematic is when it's a persistent pattern, leading to financial difficulties, increased stress, and strained relationships as the financial impact also affects others," says clinical psychologist Kirren Schnack. "This behavior can contribute to a cycle of emotional highs and lows since the pleasure derived from shopping is only temporary. When a person refrains from shopping, the emotional needs met by purchasing are unfulfilled, causing negative emotions to surface, and drawing the person towards spending again." It's a hard cycle to break and can give your credit card a real battering in the process.

If the logical part of our brains tells us that emotional spending is a bad idea, why do we feel so compelled to do it? At its core, emotional spending is about escapism and seeking out joy. "One key factor is the release of dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward, which can happen when we buy something we like or want," says Dr. Schnack.

She adds: "Emotional spending can also be driven by feelings of low self-worth, and when that desire is met then we temporarily improve that sense of self-worth. It's especially challenging when people have such a vulnerable sense of self-worth, living in a digital era where online self-comparison is rife."

Our childhoods can also have play a part. "Scarcity trauma is another key factor that can cause emotional spending," says Dr. Schnack. "This refers to the psychological impact experienced by people who grew up with limited resources or insufficient access to the things they needed. This can result in a deep-seated need to compensate for the past by acquiring material possessions." Shopping out of a feeling of panic, or buying expensive items as markers of success, are both indicators that this could be a driver for you.

Do you have a sneaking suspicion you might be an emotional spender? There are tell-tale signs to look out for. "Emotional spending can manifest itself in various different ways," says Austin-Williams. "Finding yourself defaulting to shopping apps when you feel overwhelmed or buying lots of items spontaneously when you see a good offer in case it disappears are both giveaway signs."

According to Dr. Schnack, you might also find yourself "experiencing guilt or regret after shopping but still eagerly anticipating the next occasion, and giving in to the urge to buy more things." It's not just about the hit of happiness you feel when you tap your card you need to think about, but the hangover from it that will drive your next purchase too.

Even seemingly positive purchases, like a new handbag you bought to reward a hard-earned promotion, or an extortionately expensive candle for your mom, can leave you feeling a bit grubby and empty in the immediate term. So what do emotional spenders do? Distract themselves with the next promised purchase, and the (not-so)-merry-go-round continues spinning.

OK, before we leave you feeling so down about the state of the world and the commercialization of the New Year that you're left with no option but to shop your way out of the hole, here are some expert-approved tips for avoiding and overcoming emotional spending patterns.

"The main goal of retailers is to get you to spend your money," says Kia Commodore, founder of the Pennies To Pounds podcast. "If you're signed up to too many emails it can be very tempting to shop these daily promotions. Unsubscribe to remove that urge." If your shopping apps send you notifications, turn those off too.

"Establish a realistic spending budget and commit to it," says Dr. Schnack. "Record the reasons behind your budget, emphasizing its significance and what you value about sticking to it. Regularly review this when you're faced with the urge to spend." To stay on top of things, it's a smart idea to check your online banking apps every day during high spend seasons (like the holidays), instead of burying your head in the sand until January.

Often go overboard when it comes to gifting? "It can be easy to get carried away and spend more than you anticipated," says Commodore. "List out who you're looking to purchase for and what you're looking to buy so you're not tempted to splurge over and above that."

Most emotional spending happens when you're feeling hassled by an offer ending or have an urge to buy something right that second. "Try the 48-hour rule," says Commodore. "Add items to your basket but don't check out. Instead, leave them there and carry on with your day. If you still want the items 48 hours later, you can check out, but chances are you'll have forgotten about them. This rule allows you to refrain from unnecessary spending whilst still feeling that dopamine hit from adding items to your basket."

Just like they say you shouldn't go food shopping when you're hungry, you ideally shouldn't do shopping of any kind when sad. "Shopping when distressed can increase the likelihood of emotional spending because it impairs decision-making," says Dr. Schnack. You'll likely only feel worse when that USPS parcel arrives at the door, or even worse than that when you have to awkwardly collect it from your neighbor.

Instead of firing up the Zara app at the end of a good, bad, or mediocre day, "explore alternative ways to cope with emotional distress," Dr. Schnack says. "Invest time in self-care activities such as exercise to care for your body or mentally absorbing activities that care for your mind." You'll find yourself less likely to get into a cycle of scrolling and shopping when you're meeting both of these needs, and your screen time will drop right down as an added bonus.

If you can easily lose hours scrolling through ASOS New In (how do they have so many products?), "consider setting a time limit for online spending," says Dr Schnack. "You can also establish limits for certain days of the week, designating them as 'no-spend' days. Setting these can help prevent mindless browsing, which can expose you to more items that may tap into your emotional needs and trigger the urge to spend." If you don't know that those jeans exist, you can't lust after them.

As much as we can all joke with friends about how addicted we are to shopping, if emotional spending is causing you mental stress or getting you into financial difficulties, then it stops being funny. If you're finding it too challenging to self-manage, reach out to your GP for a referral to a psychologist. The Money Charity is also a great resource for help and advice.

Following as many of these tips as possible will help you to shop with your head rather than your heart this year – but that doesn't mean you have to go without entirely. You'll just find that you enjoy slipping into those sequin trousers or handing over a thoughtful present even more knowing that you're not going to regret it come next month.